Surviving Suicide

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Trigger Warning: This piece contains sensitive content, including mentions of suicide and descriptions of loss, grief, and survivor’s guilt. It also discusses the emotional impact of losing loved ones to suicide. Please read with care, and reach out for support if needed.

If you are struggling or need someone to talk to, there are resources that can help. Below, I’ve shared a few suggestions that I have personally found helpful. Don’t hesitate to reach out—you don’t have to go through this alone.

• 988 Hotline - They have a phone and text line you can reach out to for help. They also have resources on their page to help you find support groups and some ways to cope with the sudden loss.
• AFSP - This site has stories from people who have survived suicide loss and some group recommendations to reach out to to help you through your grief.
• Suicide Loss Directory - This page has a list of places you can go to read about, get ideas on, and find some communities to help you with the loss of a loved one to suicide.
• StandBysupport - This is a government-run program out of Australia to help anyone who has lost someone to suicide.
• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - This is a program out of the UK that you can reach out to for help.

Losing someone you care about is never easy. It doesn’t matter if they are a close family member or someone you’ve only known in passing. The pain is still deep. It can break up families, tear friendships apart, and leave an aching void in people’s lives. You may feel helpless, even guilty, for not seeing the pain that someone close to you was going through.

To increase awareness of International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, this November 23, 2024, I want to share with you a couple of my experiences as well as some tips and encouragement that have helped me in my journey. 

The first person who took their life that I had a real connection with was a friend of my sister’s. They went to church and school together, and my sister was always at her house. I still remember the dinner when my dad got a call. He disappeared upstairs to take the call, and when he came down, his steps were slow. Something was clearly wrong. He had my sister and mom come upstairs, and I heard when they told her the news.

I recall the numb feeling that crept into my skin, a sense of responsibility that I should have seen the signs, that I could have somehow prevented it. Even though I barely knew her, I felt that weight of guilt. This was survivor’s guilt. Her twin brother and parents never fully recovered. Our entire church community rallied around them, but the grief was too much, and they eventually moved away, unable to live in the house where they had lost their daughter and sister.

Another experience happened years ago when I was playing World of Warcraft. I had friends all over the country through my guild. One friend was going through an incredibly tough time—he had just found out his wife was unfaithful and was planning to leave him and take their kids. He was devastated. The entire guild tried to rally around him. We made a schedule to check in on him every day, offering support in any way we could.

I spoke with him on Christmas Eve. The next day, Christmas Day, we were caught up in our own celebrations with family, and didn’t check on him. That evening, we found out he couldn’t handle the pain anymore and took his own life.

I still feel a deep sense of guilt, wondering if I had just called him, or if I had visited him in person, would he still be here? These thoughts still linger years later. I have come to learn that this feeling of guilt is natural and is something everyone has to work through - it takes time to heal and mend.

When someone you care about dies by suicide, it can feel unbearable. It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself, thinking you could have done more, or wondering if you missed signs. But it’s important to remember that you are not alone in these feelings, and you should not go through this grief alone. Here are a few suggestions that I found to be helpful:

• Reach out to family, friends, or loved ones. Your personal support system is there because they care and love you. They will be happy to listen and provide comfort.
• Find an organization or resource near you. There are numerous organizations and resources designed to help people cope with the grief of losing someone to suicide, often offering counseling, support groups, and community for survivors.
• Ask about resources at your school or work. Schools and employers often have programs specifically for people dealing with grief or mental health crises, so don’t hesitate to reach out to them as well. 

Also, if you know someone who has lost someone to suicide, your support can make a huge difference. You don’t have to have the right words or answers; sometimes just being there is enough. Offering a safe, judgment-free space where they can talk, or simply sit in silence with you, can be incredibly healing. 

I’m here to remind you that there is hope. You are not alone in this. And no matter how dark things may seem, there is help available. Reach out, whether it’s to friends, family, or a professional, because together, we can find a way through.