bcrook
Advocate

#stepsforbeth - An Update

316699_Divider5.png

Reality has set in I’m leaving for California in just a couple of days!! I am excited beyond words to see everyone and to learn all there is new about Canvas and to absorb some of that California sunshine without having my face melt off from the east coast humidity.  Those of you who just left ISTE know exactly what I’m talking about!

However, in order to allow this all to happen, I feel the need to be transparent with you all.  I’ve been very nervous about attending this year, more than last. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and I feel that the best way to make the above happen is to give you all an honest stepsforbeth update now, so that it will hopefully answer questions a few of you may have, or you will have once you see me. By doing this now will actually save my energy to allow me to be there, be present, and experience the week we have all traveled for - CANVAS and learning!

Now.  The last time you saw me was in Keystone.  And I was walking. And it was GLORIOUS! With assistance using a cane. Not far, not fast, and mostly zipping around with the motor scooter that  @scottdennis  so graciously borrowed for me (I wouldn’t have survived those hills without it!).  HOWEVER, this time last year, I still had no feeling in my right leg and I was in denial that I was actually medically diagnosed paraplegic.  And what no one realized (including my top medical team) was that I was actually doing more harm than good. And I couldn’t feel the pain as I walked through it. 

Moving into November, a series of events occurred all at once.  And because you are my friends, my FAMILY and my support system, I’m laying it out here, so here we go!  I made the decision to stop taking prescription pain killers (evil things, long-term :smileydevil: ), my right leg woke up , and the cold winter chill hit. Due to the extreme pain and realizing that bones were not exactly where they were supposed to be, I ended up relying on my wheelchair full-time.

Needless to say, winter wasn’t a pleasant time for my mental space.  My leg went into full defensive mode and my foot inversion pulled in tight at 45 degrees, pushing bones out of place that surgery wouldn’t even be able to fix if they tried.  

courage

Here’s what I need you to know going into instructurecon 2019 week:   

  1. When you see me, you’ll think that I have given up. I have not given up!  My body is just doing the hard work internally.  It’s tiring me out 10x’s faster than ever before. Things that happen when I’m fatigued: I struggle to process words. Could be in mid-sentence. Could be at the tip of my tongue and just cannot come out. Could come out and be completely wrong and awkward. I also can’t walk right now.  I’m weak and my balance is off. My pain is OFF. THE. CHARTS. But I haven’t given up. 
  2. Second, I haven’t broken my leg!  I’m doing this process called Serial Casting. Every week I get one cast cut off, an hour of freedom for my leg (it’s seriously AH-MAZING!), stretching, massage, pedicure...actually, it’s all physical therapy, but I call it my Spa Day because it makes it feel that much more amazing! And then they plaster it right back up nice and tight into neutral position which has my head full of all kinds of colorful words for the next 168 hours.  It, along with Botox injection therapy every 3 months, and a blading technique to stretch my tendons, has been turning my foot inversion out over the past 8 weeks. Let me back up a minute. Back in April, I got the call to start therapy again in Baltimore when I was at my lowest and, I’ve mentioned before about timing and miracles and prayers, and AHHHH!!! I could give you all the chilly goosebumps with this one my friends!! SERIOUSLY GOOSEBUMPS!! :smileylaugh: But I will tell you this, in 8 weeks my foot inversion has gone from a severe 45 degrees to almost 10 degrees neutral. 8 weeks. Unheard of!

    inversion (Before and After - 7 weeks of a round of botox & serial casting!)

  3. My personal non-Canvas goal for Long Beach is to get my toes in the sand and Pacific!! YES! And my doctors replaced my plaster cast with a brace for the trip, so I won’t tell if you don’t Smiley Wink
  4. When I return home from #InstCon, I’ll continue the 4hr RT commute every Wednesday down I-95 to work on strength, balance, and walking!  #onestepatatime ! And thanks to  @mjennings , I’ll be wearing my #CanvasStrong shirt.
    316701_IMG_4774.JPG

Over the winter, members of our very own Canvas communityteam ( @scottdennis , erinhallmark, stefaniesanders,  @ctitmus , allifoote,  @Allie_Dilts , tbooth14,  @Naomi ,  @djackson , eallen,  @nathanatkinson , awilliams were in tune to my change and wrapped their feet (?) around me with this homemade quilt (sewn by the uber talented  @Renee_Carney  and I’ve never been so speechless and touched by a package arriving! Look at this...it’s their feet turned into butterflies!  (and I heard the paint stayed on their feet for a good few days after the project before fully washing off too, that's quality work!)

quilt 1quilt 2quilt 3
quilt 4 quilt 5


  
  

Every day in my office, I am wrapped in warmth, not only from the winter chill, and even now with the summer a/c, but also on the days when I struggle, knowing that this COMMUNITY is more than just about my job and what I do for my career. It’s so much more than that!  And stepsforbeth is so much more than ME!!  THAT is why I keep revisiting #stepsforbeth. Our fun challenges and laughs we’ve had in past #InstCons have brought forward so many personal stories from others, many of them kept private, some I may never know.  It’s not just about Beth. It’s about all of us. Replace Beth with many other names. It’s about everyone. Maybe it’s even about you. And maybe you need us to be your village, your rally, your quilt, your panda hugs, your virtual steps...whatever it is.  You better believe that this community is ready to wrap around you!  

Now, let’s go catch some waves!!

316700_Blog Postcard - Blog Icon 1.png

InstructureCon 2019

Read More Reflection Blogs

26 Replies
Bobby2
Coach Emeritus

Wow, what a year you've had  @bcrook ! Thanks for sharing what's been happening. Amazing what you've been through and the wicked support you have been given by medical staff AND the Canvas team. The quilt blew me away. Your strength and bravery are inspiring. I hope you enjoy the conference and the sand beneath your feet and the lapping waves of the Pacific Ocean. The ocean can be our link from waaaaay over here. 

The quilt blew ME away and continues to do so many times when I look at it!  I've never been so excited to have awilliams‌ feet on me.  LOL  Thank you for your kind words.  

sea

Renee_Carney
Community Team
Community Team

I'm literally speechless, Beth. I sat here the past few minutes trying to express all the feels your blog post tugged out, and words just can't do them justice. You are such a beautiful soul with a warriors spirit! Thank you for sharing your journey with us, but then always using it to build up others around you.  Looking forward to seeing you in a just a few days!

Beth, thanks for sharing what you've been struggling with and going through. What an amazing quilt. Looking forward to meeting you offline this year. 🙂

kmeeusen
Coach Emeritus

 @bcrook  

Ah my friend, what an amazing person you truly are! Despite the challenges of the last couple years, you remain so dang positive!

This really is yours and our Community, and it is a great Community! We are all blessed to be a part of something this special and this big. Perhaps we can even change the world!

I am very sorry that I will not be in Long Beach next week, very sorry indeed, because it would be so nice to see you again. This is the first InstCon I have missed since 2012, and I thought I might miss all the great swag, seeing as how I am obsessed with it; but no, I called it rightly when I informed the Community Team I couldn't make it this year - it is all about the networking with my colleagues, friends and family! That is what I will miss!

Have a truly great Conference, Beth!

Kelley

You will indeed be missed Kelley!!  And you are definitely correct.  Spending 2017 in the hospital and not in Keystone with all of you was definitely hard to swallow because I was missing THE PEOPLE!  I'm so glad I have photos like these to look at:

group

Just look at all those beautiful faces!

Well, 5 out of six ain't bad. I don't know what happened to that dude on the far right:-)  I can see why he covers up with hair and a hat! A bag might be better!

Kelley

cortny
Instructure Alumni
Instructure Alumni

 @bcrook ‌ I am so grateful that I have had the pleasure to work with you but also that I get to call you my friend.... and twinner. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us and always bringing your authentic, vulnerable, transparent self.  If you get any hugs from random InstCon employees on the K12 team at InstCon, I sent them your way since I am not attending this year.  Deactivated user‌ cfaulkner‌  @jadams1 ‌ will be on the hunt  for you from the Priority Services K12 team Smiley Wink {{{HUGS!!}}}

I LOVE HUGS!!

fox
Community Contributor

Thank you for continuing to be open about your amazing story! Looking forward to saying "hi" next week!

I can’t wait!!

lindalee
Advocate

Beth,

I would NEVER think you gave up. And I suspect that I'm not alone in that. (And if you are at InstructureCon, how could you have possibly given up?)

I'm so sorry to hear that you were doing more harm than good when you were walking last year. To say that sucks is (clearly) an understatement. It's disappointing and frustrating and demonstrates just how non-linear recovery can be.

I was wondering about the cast. Thank for such a detailed explanation of serial casting -- it's like braces, but for your leg!

Travel safely! And I look forward to catching up in Long Beach!

Best,

Linda

cholling
Community Champion

I don't know Beth, but having had reconstructive surgery on my left foot the last of January because my foot was turning in (because of torn, loose tendons in my ankle for a long time) and going through the recovery, I am AMAZED at Beth's strength, perseverance, spirit, transparency, and tenacity. I applaud you. I'm proud of you. I'm happy for you. And, I wish I could watch you dip those uncasted toes in the ocean - what joy!

Prayers and Thoughts and All Good Things to you, #stepsforbeth

bcrook
Advocate

FUNNY STORY UPDATE from this morning for you all!

I was at the hotel at the airport for a super early flight and had an accessible roll-in shower.  So I transfer over to the shower chair.  Which is a portable one, and it's too high.  But we are tight on time, so no time to adjust it.  So I very carefully dangle my feet and lean forward to turn on the water and realize CRIPES!, it's a regular shower head and not a handheld.  This is going to be COLD.  And there's no markings on the knob to tell me hot and cold.  And it's 4am so I can't shout out for help.  I'm all in...  1...2... EEEEEKKKK  Righty (right foot) tenses and turns right in tight!!

Water warms up after a minute.  Woke me right up, so mission accomplished.  Foot relaxed, no harm done.  I didn't fall off my stool.  BUT...

I go out and tell my daughter what happened and she laughs AND DABS.  And calls its the Foot Dab.

say what

That's one heck of a way to wake up!  

Welcome to the day!

0 Kudos
scottdennis
Community Team
Community Team

Hey Beth,

Instcon19 is over and we're all back into our normal swings but I still think about you and #stepsforbeth‌ every day.  Keep strength!  Keep stepping - metaphorically and actually. 

Hey  @scottdennis ‌, how's this? (don't mind my hot mess...this was 4 hours into PT) But I got a new leg brace on Wednesday!

Woo hoo, look at you!

Looking good,  @bcrook  !

I love the pure joy on your face in each step!  Looks like it won't be long and you'll be right next to your joyous daughter staying in beat with Fitness Marshall

I was smiling because I made a bet with my therapist that if I walked, I wouldn't have to do her bridges anymore.  My least favorite core exercise!!  Give me anything else...  Hahaa. She also popped my hip back in place after last week so I felt so much better :smileygrin:

You are amazing, Beth.  You make me want to be a better person every day.  Smiley Happy 

You are pretty amazing as-is.

bcrook
Advocate

#StepsForBeth Challenge! Find that special someone in your community, whomever it may be, and see what a difference you can make in their day!  Even something small to you can be huge to them.  Peyton's smile said it all!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrksn7arvdw&feature=youtu.be

 

That was beautiful  @bcrook . Makes me want to organise something.