Grab the big shoes and pile into the car

[mjennings]

Ladies and gentlemen; boys and girls, step right up and let's see who is the funniest clown in the #InstructureCarn!

As some may or may not know there was once a live forum, and in that forum was a place for Dad Jokes. I may have told one or two jokes in that spot and have definitely missed it through the last few months. So since there is a carnival a comin', I thought I would give people a chance to stretch their funny bone. If you have a good, funny, CLEAN joke* or GIF - share it with us!

I'll get us started with a few

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
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A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
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I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around? Holmeless.

*as per Dad Joke protocol, the good & funny parts are optional, but please keep it clean.

[mjennings]

[hensonj]

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable

[mjennings]

Here is some advice, don't spell "part" backwards. Click here to learn why.

[hensonj]

heres a good one

[traciebosket]

Wow, that guy is an excellent dancer. Maybe the next Dancing with the Stars winner?? LOLOLOLOL

[mjennings]

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
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What do you call a mountain where people never sleep? Mt Neverest.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

[admin]

A Priest, Buddhist and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at then an says... "What is this a joke?"

[jbourne31]

Why do teenage girls always hang out in odd numbered groups? ...... Because they just. Can't. Even.

[mjennings]

[admin]

Too Cute

[stuart_ryan]

*cracks knuckles*

[mjennings]

[stuart_ryan]

Also... wow wow wow  @mjennings ‌, you *may* have told *one or two* jokes?!?

*falls out of his chair laughing*... yes... one or two... lets go with that!

[mjennings]

[admin]

Yes! Yes!

[mjennings]

Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

[ysmalls]

[ken_cooper]

ysmalls‌

I have to give it up to you on this one.  I chuckled pretty hard, hadn't see this before.

[ysmalls]

Me too!  I figured a science teacher will get a kick out of it 

[mjennings]

[hensonj]

[hensonj]

DAD LEVEL 9000 

[admin]

I like that. That is very creative. Thanks for sharing.

[admin]

This made me literally LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!!

[scottdennis]

Last weekend I went into a local shop and bought a roll of wrapping paper and a package of picture hanging nails.  The clerk asked me if I found everything I was looking for and I answered that I had.  Then he said, "You might even say this shopping experience is a wrap."

"Yep, nailed it."

We fist bumped and I left.  When I told my wife about this interaction later in the day she said I can't live here anymore. 

#dadjokespain‌

[rsasso]

For the IDs in the group:

What does an instructional designer say to a horse?    G'ADDIE up!

[admin]

Hey, finally one I can relate to!

[kmeeusen]

So I found this meme on my Fb wall yesterday......

So I called four people to remind them they are going to die. None of them seemed to appreciate it.

[scottdennis]

LOL, Kelley

[kmeeusen]

So my wife wanted a run-of-the-mill birthday party. I asked her, "Just a generic party?: She said "yes", and here is what I did..............

Couch is actually quite comfortable!

[mjennings]

[nbatson2]

I love it!!

[jeremy_mciver]

Awesome!

[admin]

Love the generic party theme. I played a similar prank on some friends years ago, back when Pathmark carried the No Frills brand. I threw a party using mostly all No Frills products. But the Keg was Michelobe. So, I took the white plastic disc (that protected the tap connection on the top of the keg) over to my Artist neighbor. He drew a basic label that read, no frills  BEER and a tiny SKU number. Very authentic looking. I then laid it on the floor near the beer station by the No Frills plastic beer cups. It was so great reading guest faces when they noticed it. 

[ana_mataksiviou]

Hahahaha genius! Love it!

[heatherjones]

What time do you go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty.

[admin]

But the absolute best time of day is 6:30, hands down!

[awarmar]